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As many of you know, when I return to Haiti in 2 weeks, I will not be returning to stay at Children’s Lifeline, where I spent my summer. I had an incredible experience and learned so many new things. I picked up more Creole; I did my first (and 6th) sets of sutures; I made some awesome friends; I learned to ride a moto and how to buy things at the market; I learned how to live on my own; I learned (or, depending on who you ask, maybe not so much…..) how to cook for 1 person instead of 8; I acquired several new “sisters;” I renewed my relationship with my sister, which has struggled over the past few years; and so many other things.
However, as my internship drew to a close and I considered my future, I spent a lot of time praying and seeking wise council, and I decided God has called me to an orphanage up in the mountains. God’s Littlest Angels is an orphanage that does adoptions, but my main role will be NICU nurse. Families bring their very sick, malnourished, dehydrated, premature, high-risk babies to us to nurse back to health, and it will be my job to care for them.
I have such mixed emotions going into this! I’m sad to leave my friends and the familiarity of Children’s Lifeline. I know how life works there and though you can’t ever expect what’s coming in Haiti, I’m comfortable in the sense that I feel I can handle whatever does come. Which is a huge part of the reason I think God is calling me on to other things – He doesn’t allow me to get comfortable. When I get comfortable, I stop relying on Him and start relying on myself, instead.
I’m nervous because I’ve always struggled with making friends. I’ve never been part of the popular crowd and I’m so quiet and shy, I’ve just had very few friends over the years. I hope and pray I’ll make friends quickly because I start to feel lonely. But I keep reminding myself that God has always been faithful to provide exactly what I need in His perfect timing, and He won’t stop now!
I feel so inadequate. I’m worried I don’t have enough training to be these kids’ best chance at life. And then I have to stop and remind myself that I didn’t choose this. I constantly give God back the gifts He’s given me, and ask Him to use me. Therefore, it’s not me who’s caring for the babies – I’m simply His hands and feet. I so appreciate all of the encouraging comments I’ve received over the past few months. However, if you’re tempted to say something along the lines of, “you’ll be great at this,” or, “you’re an angel,” or, “I could never do something like that,” (all things that have been said to me,) give God the glory for giving me the strength to make it through each day, because it’s not me. It is all Him.
One of my favorite songs, right now, is a Creole song called Pale Pou Mwen.
The chorus says,
“Pale pou mwen, Segne, pale pou mwen.
Aji pou mwen, Segne, aji pou mwen.
Kanpe pou mwen, Segne, kanpe pou mwen.
Ou se tout sa’m bezwen.”
“Speak for me, Lord, speak for me.
Act for me, Lord, act for me.
Stand for me, Lord, stand for me.
You are all I need.”
“Lord, may it be you everyone sees when they look at me. May it be you they hear when I speak. May it be you they feel when I touch them.” – This is my prayer!
I would really appreciate all of your prayers as I continue on this journey. I’m so excited to see what my future holds!! Being at the center of God’s will is the best thing you can imagine – there is peace despite the chaos and hope despite the seemingly hopeless situations. So here’s to the next leg of this adventure!
Fruit Worthy 