Most of you have probably heard of the Duggars – the family with 19 kids…..I’ve never had the privilege of meeting them, but they seem pretty awesome! When using birth-control after having Josh because they weren’t ready for anymore kids, they suffered a miscarriage. Reading the fine print, they realized the birth-control they were using had caused them to lose their baby. (A lot of you probably disagree with that conclusion, but I think it’s a personal decision for each couple and really shouldn’t be discussed between people who don’t even know them. However, if you want to debate using vs not using birth-control, I’d be happy to discuss it privately, in a general context.) Anyway, after they lost the baby, they decided God was asking them to trust Him with the number of kids they would have. So the Duggars have 19 kids and all of them are biological.
The Duggars live by very conservative values, including loving and serving Jesus Christ, homeschooling, supporting their family without using government assistance, training their kids in traditional roles, but also preparing them to provide for themselves if the need arises (the girls learn how to change a tire, change the oil on a car, etc., and the boys can cook and clean), and the basis of this post: courtship.
Josh, the oldest, married Anna about 6 years ago and they have 3 adorable babies. Jessa is the 5th child (3rd daughter) and she recently began a courtship with a sweet guy. Jill is the 4th child and just last month, she became the first Duggar daughter to get married. All 3 kids chose courtship over dating. They decided, upon entering the courtship, on rules for the relationship and presented those rules to their parents for accountability. Some of those rules include only side-hugging, no kissing until they’re married, and they wouldn’t hang out alone – they would always have a chaperone.
I’m writing this post because a magazine recently wrote, “Abiding by her parents’ wishes, the special occasion [the wedding] marked the couple’s very first kiss.” Yes, their parents raised the children with the assumption they would make these decisions, but they made the choices for themselves. Just like when someone raises their child saying, “Jesus loves you,” or “When you go to college…” These parents are hoping and praying and preparing the field for when their child asks Jesus into his or her heart or goes to college. They won’t disown that child if he or she makes other choices, but they hope he/she will follow that path. I can tell you, from experience, that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar prayed (and still do) for their children and the choices they would make every day. They talked to their young children about the special person God had picked out for them, about saving their heart for that special person, about saving their bodies for that person, and about courtship. When they were old enough to enter a relationship, the children decided what path they wanted to follow. They were not forced to wait to kiss until they got married. They were not forced to tolerate a chaperone everywhere they went. They chose to honor their parents training and out of respect for their parents and because they saw the wisdom in their parents’ teaching, they made these decisions themselves. I’m getting so tired of hearing, “They brainwashed their kids.” “Abiding by their parents’ wishes.” “Their parents are so controlling.” “The kids don’t get to do anything normal kids do.” The Duggar kids are being raised to be independent, hard-working, Christ-followers, Christian leaders, nurturing parents, providers and help-meets, respectful contributors to society. Just like I do, they form their own opinions.
When I was younger, someone refused to argue/debate something with me because they said I was just saying whatever my parents would say. That is absolutely not the truth. My parents raised me to have my own opinion. They raised me to research things and not just take their word for it. They taught me to develop my own personality. Of course I somewhat resemble my parents in my opinions and beliefs – they raised me! But please don’t think that just because a young adult chooses to make conservative decisions, he or she is just mimicking what their parents say and do. Each person makes his or her own choices. Instead, ASK THEM why they make the choices they do! You may learn something and you may be able to give them a different perspective, too. 🙂 Anyway, congratulations to Derick and Jill (Duggar) Dillard!!!
Fruit Worthy 