Emotions

Life in the States and life in Haiti are both exhausting, but it’s a different kind of exhausting. In the States, I would come home from work physically tired. I would take care of many, many people each day and while some of them stuck with me and I still think about them, wondering how they’re doing, I went home and put the day behind me. It was rewarding when I could save a life or relieve pain or treat someone who really needed it.

In Haiti, I’m finding life is emotionally exhausting. Almost every night (and sometimes during the day) I’m surprised to find myself crying. I am NOT an emotional person. I’m an ER nurse! Many shifts, one of my patients would die and I would set it aside until later and go in the next room and take care of my next patient. I took care of many, many tired, angry people and it didn’t bother me. But now I’m living in a third-world country where my friends can’t get the care they need, or even their basic needs met! I’m falling in love with people whose problems I can do nothing to fix! I can’t stop the seizures of the little boy in my arms! I can’t get a diagnosis and treatment for the sweetest baby you’ll ever meet, but who is losing muscle tone and who at 10 months can’t sit up and who some days has trouble holding her head up! Even in my tiny village in Haiti, I can’t fix anything! It’s so discouraging and frustrating and exhausting and unfair.

So I go to bed and cry and then I get up the next morning and I go hug my babies. I get up and go spend 11 hours at the hospital to try to get answers. I get up and talk to more people and try to find solutions. I get up and try again. I do it because God sent me here to love these people. I do it because I’ve fallen in love with these people. I pray each one of them can get even a tiny picture of just how much Jesus loves them. I may not be able to fix their problems, but I pray they know how much I love them.

Please pray my spiritual well is dug deeper and deeper. I need Jesus. Please pray my relationship with Him is strengthened every moment of every day. Please pray for these incredible people. Please pray they’ll rely on Him for their needs and don’t look elsewhere, regardless of how appealing it looks. I’ll never be able to thank you enough, but thank you for your ministry of prayer to the Haitian people and to me.

My New Home – Children’s Lifeline

Children’s Lifeline has been in Haiti for 25 years. It started out as a feeding program, and has expanded to encompass many different aspects of life. We live on a large property, maybe 8-10 acres, surrounded by a tall, brick wall for security.

Children’s Lifeline is Haitian-run. Our director is Osmy. He handles the Haiti side of things, and then partners with blans who bridge the gap with other countries.

Aggie is from Canada. She’s lived here for 2 years and is in charge of the orphanage and helps out with the teams that come.

Chelsea has lived here almost 2 years and is from Ohio. She’s in charge of the teams.

Several interns come each summer to help with whatever needs to be done. We help prepare for the teams that come each week – making beds, preparing bathrooms, making the menu, shopping for food, picking teams up and dropping them off at the airport, and being available to guide teams. We’ll also be helping out at the hospital and the orphanage.

The entrance to the compound – the green building is where I’m staying

 

The school teaches approximately 500 kids per day, from ages 3 to early 20’s. The kids are taught Creole, French, English, math, writing, geography, etc. The younger grades attend school from 8:00am-noon or 2:00pm, depending on the day, and the older grades attend from 11:00am or 1:00pm to 4:00 or 5:00pm.

The Canteen employs about 14 women to cook rice and beans for our school here on the compound, our school in another nearby village, as well as to send to the other local schools. They feed approximately 2,500 children each week day. On top of that, they send dry rice and beans to other local orphanages each week day, bringing the total number of kids we feed each week day to approximately 8,000!!

The clinic is run by a Haitian doctor – Dr. Carmel. The visit and first diagnostic test is 150 goude, which is approximately $2.50 American. Additional diagnostic tests, if necessary, will cost extra. They try to include the necessary medications in the cost, but due to limited funds, it’s not always possible. They get our medications in Port au Prince and on the trip to get the medications each month, they spend approximately $500. There’s also an independent dentist who practices in the clinic. He sees patients by appointment.

There’s currently a computer class and a trade school that teaches sewing. The students learn to make clothes, uniforms, and bags/purses. When we have a student who can’t afford a uniform (one of the big deterrents to getting an education), we try to find someone to sponsor the cost of the fabric and the students will make the uniform! We’re also looking to expand the trade school to include welding. If anyone who’s good at welding and wants to move to Haiti and teach the trade, let me know!!!

We have a widow’s program where approximately 25 widows come once a week for a devotion and to receive some food to help them through the week. Life in Haiti is already hard, but if you lose your husband, it gets so much harder to provide for yourself.

Our orphanage opened about a year ago and currently houses 20 children ages 5 months through 12 years. The orphanage is located a short walk from the compound and is kind of its own compound. It has a security guard at all times who controls who enters and exits. It’s staffed with a house mother stays all the time and then nannies who come daily to care for the children. The kids go to the school here on the compound. One of my friends from Saintard comes and teaches the kids English, too! One of my favorite parts about this orphanage is that we only take kids who are legitimately orphans. Their goal is to keep families together.

We have the “Depot,” where we sell supplies cheaply. This is so we can help people, but we’re allowing the people to provide for themselves. We don’t want to create a dependency on blans.

We have a huge soccer field where the kids are allowed on the compound to play soccer on the weekend evenings – Friday-Sunday – when school is in session (so they study during the week), and any evening when school is out. This gives the kids something productive to do.

There’s a child sponsorship program, as well! $25 a month provides school, free clinic visits, and meals for a school child for a whole month. Each child in our orphanage requires $100 a month, which includes, food, housing, generator costs, the nannies’ salary, school, formula, diapers, and clothing.

We also have a beautiful church here on the compound! The pastor leads church services on Sundays and Wednesdays, but the church is in use almost every evening for prayer meetings and things. You can hear the singing from the house. It’s amazing.

We have an area with the machines needed to make concrete bricks, as well! We hire Haitians to make the bricks for our building projects and we can sell excess bricks to help cover the costs.

We have a chicken coop with 20 or so chickens for fresh eggs! We also have a large garden that grows plantains, bananas, mangoes, passion fruit, sweet and hot peppers, carrots, spinach, moringa, watermelon, citron (similar to lemon), coconut, onions, leeks, and I’m sure many other things I’m forgetting.  We have another property with a large garden that mostly grows plantains that we sell in the market, as well, to help become self-sufficient!

We also host teams that do many different things. Some teams fix everything that’s broken on the compound, some do VBS in the village, some do medical clinics, some build benches and things for the compound, etc. (If any of you wants to come, I’d love to see all of you!)

Children’s Lifeline employs about 180 Haitians as drivers, translators, security, teachers, clinic employees, cleaners, cooks, grounds keepers, gardeners, and nannies for the orphanage.

There are so many ways to get involved!!!! I’m blessed to be an intern here so I can see how everything works!

Goodbyes

It’s official – I detest goodbyes. Last night was my last night working with my incredible coworkers. As the end of my shift drew closer and closer, I found myself getting sadder and seriously rethinking my decision to leave. 🙂 I’ve had the most amazing experience the last year and a half. I’ve learned so much and built so many special friendships. How can it be otherwise when people’s lives depend on us knowing each other well enough to be able communicate with minimal words? I’m going to miss those people so much.

As I was getting ready to leave, one of my friends said something I found ironic. She said, “You’re leaving your comfort zone.” I didn’t realize until last night and I don’t know when it happened, but the ER has become my comfort zone!

I purchased my plane tickets and I fly out next Thursday, May 5th! I’m very excited, but you can continue to pray for me. I’m starting to feel torn. I know God has beautiful plans for me, but I don’t want to leave my family and friends.

I’m in the process of packing all of my stuff away in bins in a storage unit to get it out of the way for my family. I’ll be gone for about 3.5 months this time and I’ll reevaluate at that point. If everything goes well, I may go back long-term, or I may find God has other plans.

By the way, I’m fully funded for the next 3 months!! Thank you for being a part of my journey! It’s my goal to update Facebook and my blog on a regular basis over the next few months and I’d love to hear from all of you! I want to keep up with what’s going on in everyone else’s lives, as well! 🙂

“Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.” Deuteronomy 7:9

I’m Moving to Haiti!

Yesterday I announced to friends and family that God has opened the doors for me to move to Haiti! I’ve been offered a summer internship with Children’s Lifeline in LaDigue, Haiti, with the potential of it becoming a long-term position! If you check out my GoFundMe account, I posted more details.

Since I told everyone, I’ve gotten a lot of questions about why I’m fundraising, why I’m not planning to “work” in Haiti (at least not yet), and how I’m going to provide for myself. Here is one of the many reasons!

There are very few jobs in Haiti. The majority of Haitians have training in many various occupations, but nowhere to use their training. The unemployment rate is around 40.6%, with the tax rate at 24%.
80% of Haitians live below the poverty line. The average Haitian who has a job brings home approximately $2 for each full day of work. $2!! There are parents who are dropping their kids off at orphanages because they can’t provide for them. There are children who can’t go to school because their parents can’t afford the $30 fee per month. People die of starvation every single day.

Who am I to come into the country and take one of the already very few jobs? Who am I to expect to be paid enough money to provide for myself? I believe one of my missions is to make it possible for one more family to stay together. I want to keep one more child off the streets. I want to enable one more Haitian to obtain an education. I love these people. I want to help them; not take their resources. I want to give them more resources!

Each dollar you donate not only enables me to go show Jesus’ love, it provides another job. We hire Haitians to help out on the compound, run errands, and to work as security, therefore putting another meal on an empty table and giving hope where there may not have been before.

There are so many worthy causes you could support with your money and I don’t take your support for granted in the least. And as I’ve said before, if you’re not in the position to give, please don’t feel pressured – your prayers are just as important to me and I appreciate them so much. I hope this helps you better understand why your support is so important. It touches not only me, but by extension, the Haitian families I’ll be reaching.

A New Adventure

Looking back over the past few months and thinking about when Aunt Holly invited me to go with her on her first trip to Haiti, I must admit that I wasn’t going to go. I thought, “I don’t know if I want to spend the money and PTO to go somewhere I won’t get to see my friends.” I thought, “this group is so different from the people with whom I normally go.” I thought, “there’s no way I could go on a construction trip.” For some reason, though, God had other plans. For some reason, He wanted me to visit a different organization, meet new people, and try something new.

When we were asked to introduce ourselves the first evening in Haiti, I said I honestly didn’t know why I was on this trip; I was still waiting to find out. Now, with the trip behind me, I still don’t know exactly why I was there – it’s not like I was a huge help at the work site or like I contributed a skill no one else could have. But I am SO grateful God sent me. I got to meet some incredible people. And I got to help build a church!

On Sunday, before beginning our work-week, we got to visit a Haitian-run orphanage. There was one little boy who really grabbed my heart. He was 6 years old, and weighed probably 20lbs. He just laid in my arms and looked around. He eventually even fell asleep. He was so sweet. I wanted to bring him home. 🙂

Through this organization, a different group comes each week and completes the next part of the work project. Our assignment was to finish the final bond beam at the top of the church. I’m incredibly thankful that the leaders included me, even allowing me to get up on the scaffolding to help hang the forms that would be filled with concrete. I know much of the time I probably made the job harder, but it feels so good to look at that church and think about the future it holds, and realize I helped build it!

 

We were a little sad to find that we finished an entire day early! Because the next step is the trusses and we couldn’t start them due to the concrete needing a couple of days to really set up, it opened up another opportunity for us – we got to visit Grassier, the village where this organization built their first houses. Also, in Grassier was a school and an all-girls orphanage.

One tangible way we saw God protecting us – on this day we were supposed to be at the work site. We weren’t supposed to finish a day early. Because we did finish early, we went in the opposite direction to visit Grassier. That day, due to protesting, we got 6 alerts from the American Embassy, 3 of which advised against travel in the exact area where we were supposed to be driving back and forth to the job site. Wow! God’s plans are perfect!

I had many wonderful experiences last week, but I think this day was my favorite. It was so good to hold and love those kids.

A couple of facts about the school:

1. Over 200 children attend the school.
2. The average daily walk to school is about an hour each way.
3. Some of the kids walk over 2 hours each way every day.
4. For lunch, each child has to pay approximately $1 American, which will often be the only meal they get that day (if they can afford to pay the fee.)
5. The price to attend school for 1 year is approximately $30 American.
6. Haitian children often won’t complete school until they’re in their early 20’s, because if they can’t afford the school fee one year, they have to wait until the next year to continue.

We were blessed to have the opportunity to buy lunch for all of the children for an entire week! It was so cool!

On Friday we had a “culture day,” where we visited a museum to learn about Haiti’s culture, we ate lunch at the Overlook, and visited the Baptist Mission. It was a wonderful day and a lot of fun to learn more about Haiti. While we were at the Baptist Mission, our leader received 3 phone calls from friends, advising us to leave immediately, because there was trouble close to home. We left right away and we didn’t see a speck of violence. God’s provision was certainly felt!

Haiti has a lot of needs, but God is moving. It was wonderful to be a part of something like this. I met some new friends, as well, that live both here in the States and in Haiti. I don’t know what God’s plans are for my future, but I can’t wait to find out!!

The Life of a Missionary

            

It was amazing to wake up in Saintard again! After breakfast, we packed up to go to Dr. Mark and Kathy’s beautiful home in Port au Prince. Kori and Alicia are 2 girls who are staying in Saintard and spending time at the orphanage this summer, and they joined us for our weekend in Port. It was fun to visit the supermarket, seeing all of Port au Prince from the Lookout. I also got to visit Children’s Lifeline Ministries, which was amazing! They have a variety of ministries, including an orphanage they just started. So far they have 6 children!!!

                

I got a close-up view of how difficult life for missionaries is….

1. The heat, of course, takes some adjustment. It’s quite humid and you really never stop sweating (at least in the short-term….your body probably adjusts if you’ve lived there long enough.
2. Most things are a good deal more expensive than here in the States. For instance, I got a bag of marshmallows at the store, yesterday, for about $1.30. In Haiti, the same bag of marshmallows was somewhere around $4.50! Buying fresh produce that is native to Haiti, is about half the price of buying imported.
3. However, that causes it’s own set of problems, due to bacteria that most Americans’ bodies can’t handle…..we bought native lettuce to make a salad for dinner one night. We took it home and 4 of us worked together to pull the pieces apart, rinse the dirt off in Haiti water (not safe to drink or wash dishes, also due to bacteria), then wash it in bleach water, rinse it in another bucket of clean Culligan water, and dry it off. It took 4 of us about 30 minutes to make 1 salad!
4. Then, because a gas refrigerator is expensive, you can have an electric refrigerator, but you never know when you’ll have power, or for how long – sometimes you may have it for 12 hours a day, sometimes you may have it for 15 minutes and then not again for 36 hours. You can put your leftover salad in the refrigerator, but if you haven’t had power, you’ll be eating warm salad the next day, because you can’t waste anything, knowing there are people all around you who are starving.
5. Pedestrians NEVER have the right-of-way. You always, always, always have to be aware of your surroundings, because a car can come out of nowhere.
6. Traffic is completely unpredictable! It’s a good thing Haitian time is not like American time, because you may or may not get where you’re supposed to be, when you’re supposed to be there. We left for the airport – maybe a 25-30 minute drive in America – around 9:45 when my flight didn’t leave until 1:00, knowing I may or may not make it to the airport in time. It’s important to be flexible, which is a growing process for me. 🙂

It is so important to be praying for missionaries all over the world. They’re depending on those prayers to make it through each day. I can only imagine that some days it seems nearly impossible to be a light to others around them, when things aren’t going right.

I probably won’t be able to write for a couple of weeks. My grandpa is taking my mom on a cruise for the next 10 days, so I’m picking up a whole bunch of extra responsibilities here at home, including driving siblings around and coordinating schedules! If you think of me, you can say a prayer for me as I’m feeling a lot of stress at the moment. 🙂 Thank you for continuing to follow my journey! I appreciate you all. 🙂

P.S. Yes, I know I’m short and no, we did not plan to match. 🙂

Goodbye and Hello

           

On day 3, we hiked to the top of a mountain – about 6,000 feet! I was nervous about this hike, but I’m thankful I decided to go! It was indescribable beauty and peace way up there, with the sun shining. We relaxed and had quiet time IN THE CLOUDS!!! What an experience! Haiti is about 99% deforested, which causes lots of problems. There aren’t trees to protect the soil, so when it rains, the soil runs off the mountains, making it nearly impossible to grow crops. About 40 years ago, a man Came up with a technique he called “terracing” – “one of usually a series of horizontal ridges made in a hillside to increase cultivatable land, conserve moisture, or minimize erosion,” according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. An example is pictured above. This prevents soil and water from washing down the mountain, and allows water to sink into the ground and water the roots of plants. Now this technique is used all over the world, and I got to enjoy the fruits of his work!

 
On day 4, we traveled about 3 hours from House of Blessings in Callebasse, Haiti, to Saintard, where I usually stay when I go to Haiti. We stopped to eat lunch at the compound, and I dropped off my suitcases, as my time with my first group was quickly drawing to a close. I had such mixed emotions! I developed some amazing friendships with my new friends, but it was also good to see friends I made in years past. As a last event, we spent the afternoon at the beach. It was as beautiful as ever!

             

After the beach, I met up with Dr. Mark and Kathy Fulton, friends who have been going to Haiti for many years and who moved there this past January. We got to spend the night in Saintard and hang out with the kids! They roasted marshmallows over a little bonfire. 🙂

Stay tuned for more!

Beautiful Contrasts

This trip was different from all of my other trips. I was able to visit 5 different orphanages and glean information and see the pros and cons of each. It was full of meeting new people and seeing new things. It was a time to connect with people who have lived in Haiti and to learn from their stories and experiences. It was, like my other trips, full of beauty, sadness, and everything in between. It was full of lots of emotions. Below is a recap of the first half of my trip.

 Lonnie Murphy was the leader of our trip. She lived in Haiti for over 20 years and raised over 50 orphans! It was so fun to watch her return to Haiti and see all of her friends. Every few minutes, regardless of whether we were 2 minutes or 90 minutes away from her former home, she’d jump out of the car and run, with arms wide open, to embrace yet another person she knew. The love she has for these people is amazing. I’m beyond blessed to have been able to meet her and spend a few days with her.
Lonnie’s sister, Debbie, joined us on this trip, as well as Debbie’s 2 oldest boys – Ben (far right) and Jake (far left). Debbie had visited Haiti before, but this was Ben and Jake’s first time. It was so fun watching Ben and Jake’s worlds get a little bigger! They faced many fears and embraced the uncertainty very well. It was also fun to watch Debbie experience Haiti all over again through her boys.   KerriBeth has been to Haiti with Lonnie several times, and she seemed to jump back in right where she left off. She was well-known and embraced by many people.

Kelsey (far left) is getting ready to finish up nursing school and this was her third trip to Haiti. After our week together, she was moving on to another facility to spend the rest of the summer as an intern in Haiti! Meggie (middle) is just starting nursing school and she, also, is moving on to spend the rest of the summer with several different organizations in Haiti! I am blessed to have been able to get to know these sweet girls.

    

 

These beautiful people live at Wings of Hope, which is a home for the profoundly physically, mentally, and/or cognitively handicapped. We arrived just in time to help with lunch! Having worked with many children with disabilities in the past, it was difficult for me to feed one of the girls who was laying twisted in her wheelchair due to how her body grew. In the States, she would have had a chair that helped her sit up straight. Instead, this is probably how she sits all the time. I had to remind myself how blessed these children are, and that this really was a happy place!

In Haiti, Voodoo is quite common and children with birth defects are often considered cursed. If not for Wings of Hope, these people probably would have died very soon after birth, having been abandoned by their families. Instead, they are fed and cared for! You can see the joy on their faces! It was also amazing to see the higher functioning children helping feed and give drinks to the children who were unable to do so for themselves.

  

We got to visit the Baptist Mission, which was founded in the 1940’s. It has founded many churches and schools and it has a shop that sells homemade items, made by men and women in Haiti, as a way to provide for themselves and their families. In addition, they have a hospital (so much fun to visit – we are SO blessed by the advancement of medicine here in the States), a park, and a small zoo. It was a fun stop to debrief from the emotions at Wings of Hope.

 

                     

I was so excited to get to visit God’s Littlest Angels! I’d heard so much about them! They are both an orphanage that facilitates adoptions, as well as a hospital of sorts, for sick and malnourished children. At the hospital, they arrange for surgeries, nurse kids back to health, and provide nutritious food, until the kids are healthy enough to return to their families. At the orphanage, they have small homes that house up to 12 children, as well as a house mother, until the childrens’ adoptions are finalized and they’re ready to join their forever families. It is a gorgeous place!

This ends the first two days of my trip…..stay tuned to read about the rest in the coming days! More stories to come. 🙂 Thank you all, so much, for your prayers and support during my trip, as well as continued prayers for wisdom regarding my future in Haiti. I look forward to what God has in store, and being able to share about His work in my life!

“Lord, I do believe; help my unbelief!” -Mark 9:24

How amazing is this Bible verse?!? I stumbled upon it a couple of months ago and right away, it became one of my favorites.

This story is of a little boy who was possessed by a spirit who tried to kill him on a regular basis. When the boy’s father asked Jesus’ disciples to cast out the spirit, they were unable to do so. The boy’s father then approached Jesus and Jesus said, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” In response, the boy’s father says, “Lord, I do believe; help my unbelief!”

These words are so true for me! I DO believe. I DO trust Him. I pray, daily, for wisdom, because I know He has a plan for my life and it’s so much better than I could ever imagine. But is my faith ever complete? Sometimes, there is that tiny moment of doubt. Occasionally I start to desire my own way above His.

One of my heroes is George Müller (1805-1898), who ran an orphanage for a large number of children in England. Throughout his lifetime, he cared for over 10,000 children! (If you haven’t read his book in the Christian Heroes: Then and Now series, I highly recommend it.) One of my favorite stories is when he didn’t have anything to give the children for breakfast one morning, and no money to buy anything. He sat the children down at the table, anyway, and prayed, thanking God for the meal He would provide for them. Within moments, there were 2 different knocks at the door – a baker had brought enough bread to feed all of the children and a milk cart had broken down outside their door and the owner offered the milk to Mr. Müller for his children, so it wouldn’t go to waste. Mr. Müller believed, and God provided.

In those moments of doubt – even when I feel fully confident of my belief in and of Him – this is my prayer. I think it’s always relevant. It’s a good reminder not to rely on myself, but to trust Him to guide every step of every day. I pray someday I’ll have the faith and belief that the boy’s father and Mr. Müller both had.

Returning to Haiti

In 12 days, I leave for Haiti again! God has opened the door for me to travel with a former missionary to Haiti, Lonnie Murphy, who founded and ran an orphanage. One of the children she and her husband raised is now running the orphanage! I contacted Lonnie a few months ago to talk to her about her journey in Haiti, and she suggested I go back to visit with her in June. I prayed about it for several weeks, and purchased the flight tickets a few days ago. I’m so excited! She’s taking me to visit several orphanages and we’re planning to meet up with the Fultons one day, as well. I would really appreciate your prayers for peace, safety, and for me to clearly hear what God wants me to do next. I have several things in front of me right now and I’m praying for wisdom and discernment to know what God wants me to do.

  My next update is that the gala held in April raised over $25,000 for the hospital in Saintard!!!! How amazing! It was so good to see Pastor Jean Marie again, as well as a bunch of people who have been on past trips to Haiti with me, including some who have helped open my eyes and ears to God calling me to go to nursing school. I can’t wait to see how He continues to bless this incredible ministry!

I’m still working in the ER – a lot of times it can be very overwhelming, but I LOVE it! I learn something new every day and I get such a sense of satisfaction when I can use that information/skill to better treat my next patient. As I  continue to learn specific questions I should ask, what tests to order for different medical concerns, to anticipate what the doctor’s going to order, and how to coordinate care for 4 patients at a time, I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. Plus I have an AMAZING team of coworkers who, though they have to get tired of it, never show frustration at the vast number of questions I ask and who are always willing to help me out if I need it. Probably because I’m the oldest in a fairly large family and because I’m so small and look so young, I’m very independent and I’ve always felt like I have to prove to myself and everyone else that I can handle things on my own. Thanks to my coworkers, I’m learning that I don’t have to. I’m learning that when they offer to help, it’s not necessarily because they think I can’t handle it, but because they want to help.

And last, but not least, Mom and I are going to Haiti again in October, and we’re planning to take Elson back to visit his birth family for the first time! We’re all very excited. 🙂 Stay tuned for his letter announcing his trip.