I can still remember…..it had to have been at least 13 years ago……I couldn’t have been older than 8 or so, maybe even younger. My dad was the senior pastor of a small church – 150 members on a good day. It was a Wednesday night and usually I chose to go to “class” with my friends, but for some reason, I decided to go to “Wednesday night church” with my mom instead. My dad announced that he was going to allow a time for spontaneous prayer. If you wanted to pray, you could stand up and pray; if you didn’t want to, there was no pressure. When my dad said this, I started to get this lump in my stomach. As a couple of people prayed, it got bigger and bigger and I felt more and more sick to my stomach. I whispered to Mom that I felt like God was asking me to pray, but I didn’t want to. Mom told me that if I felt like God was asking me to do something, I should listen to Him. I started crying and kept waiting, and finally, I stood up and said, “Dear, Jesus, Thank you for loving us,” and sat back down. It was terrifying, and I have a feeling I avoided going to service with Mom after that. 🙂 But I obeyed.
Ever since I was tiny, I’ve found the thought of God speaking to me scary for several reasons. I was afraid He would tell me to do something I didn’t want to do. I was scared to listen, because I was afraid I wouldn’t hear. But most of all, I was afraid I wouldn’t understand what He was trying to say to me. I spent time crying to Mom because I wanted to know what God wanted for me, but I didn’t know how to listen. As I’ve gotten older, I’m still afraid to listen sometimes, but it gets easier. I look back over my experiences and find that God’s voice isn’t physically audible (another one of my fears.) He speaks through Bible verses, other people, a feeling in your stomach and heart, and even a changed dream!
When I was younger, all I wanted to be was a stay-at-home mom and homeschool my kids. Mom and Dad ask us sometimes “How are you going to be a missionary to people around you?” And I answered that I wanted to raise my kids and teach them about Jesus’ love and be a missionary in my own backyard, to my neighbors. As I’ve told some of you before, my dream changed suddenly. After we adopted my brother, Elson, from Haiti, I knew I wanted to visit Haiti (never having wanted to leave the country before.) I got the opportunity to go, fell in love with the country and people, and that’s where I want to live long-term after I finish school. How amazing is our God?!? I’m so grateful that He speaks in so many ways and that He’s big enough to overcome my fears and plans and create His dream in me. So don’t be afraid to listen, dream, and ask for God’s will for your life.
Coming soon: How He changed another dream and delayed my move to Haiti, assuring me I should go to nursing school first. 🙂
Fruit Worthy 