Love is so painful. I flew back into the States, yesterday, for my brother’s wedding, and I’m completely torn in pieces. Below is a post from one of my good friends, a fellow missionary in Haiti. It explains a little of what I’m feeling.
“So here I am again sitting in an airport halfway between Haiti & Canada.
People ask me if I’m going home, & when I get to Canada they’ll say welcome home, & I’ll smile & say thanks cuz how do I explain something I don’t really understand myself? Canada no longer really feels like home, other than that my family is there. I feel more comfortable in Haiti now. Sure Canada has things like AC & hot water but I’ll take dripping sweat & cold bucket showers any day. I feel so much more alive in Haiti. I feel God so much more.
I guess I have 2 homes, at the same time I feel like I have no home, forever wandering back & forth. But one benefit from this- it keeps me focused on the only permanent home I have, my heavenly home.
“For the world is not our home, we are looking for a home yet to come.” -Hebrews 13:14
💗 #thoughtswhilesittingonadisgustingairportfloor”
– Aggie
Yes, I’m “home,” because my family is what makes a home. But I miss my other home. I miss where I live my life, now. I miss my babies. I miss my bed. I miss my routine. I miss my friends. In the same way, when I leave to go back to my other home, I’ll be leaving friends and comfort and the other piece of my heart – my family.
I’m also hurting, thinking about southern Haiti, which was recently smashed by Hurricane Matthew. Most of the homes washed away; all of the gardens gone. Just now, a week after the hurricane passed, are we able to infiltrate the more remote areas, and the devastation the missionaries are finding is horrific. Many more lives have been claimed, than originally thought. Absolutely no clean drinking water. No food! Cholera has appeared and claimed at least 5 lives, so far, and this is just the beginning. And I left them! I flew into the United States – a first world country where we throw out tons of food, every day, because we can’t eat it all. Where we use clean water to shower, wash dishes, flush toilets, water gardens, bathe pets, and on and on and on. I’m not saying these things are wrong! But we take them for granted.
(Photos borrowed from http://www.maghaiti.net/ce-nest-pas-la-syrie-cest-la-ville-de-jeremie/. There are many more pictures showing the devastation.)
As I lay, crying, in the bed my siblings gave up for me, I know I need to enjoy my time here. I know I need to focus on recharging so I’m ready when I go back. And I will. But my heart hurts.
Fruit Worthy 